Hankel said it was an expensive four-week rehabilitation center that finally helped her a luxury most people suffering addictions cannot afford.

вЂњI was too young to be navigating my sobriety around so many disturbed people,вЂќ Hankel said. She said she tried to observe the вЂњone yearвЂќ guideline in place вЂ“ that users have one year of sobriety before they start dating вЂ“ but that as one of the only young women in her groups, she was a main target for sexual advances. Hankel ended up pregnant by a man 15 years her senior while in rehab.

вЂњThe groups are so unstructured, basically anything goes.вЂќ вЂњLike I knew any damn thing,вЂќ she recalls. By 18, she was running Narcotics Anonymous meetings in her community in New Orleans. No one knows that better than Alex Hankel.ДЄt 15 years old, Hankel (not her real last name) was already addicted to drugs. вЂњMany women who have been victimized engage unconsciously in repetition compulsions, seeking out archetypes and familiar situations, and through that they can be victimized.вЂќ вЂњRecovery from addiction is most successful when it is addressing not just the problematic substance-using behaviors, but the underlying issues and past trauma,вЂќ she said. To recover, they must believe they have control over their own lives and can make decisions for themselves, rather than admitting powerlessness вЂ“ which is one of the main tenets of AA. Joella Striebel, a behavioral health specialist at Gundersen Health System in Wisconsin, says that women have a different pathway to addiction than men. Women trying to recover are falling into the trap of dating in which the goal is not love or mutual support, but a power play in which they are the losers. вЂњThe world seems like a really mean place when you are surrounded by unhealthy people.вЂќД«lackwoodвЂ™s story of love in the time of drug abuse is not unique. вЂњIt never caused a relapse, but it did make me question the joy of sober life, and also consider suicide,вЂќ she said. I was newly sober, clueless and craving love.вЂќД«lackwood said she began dating a man with nine months sobriety within her first weeks at AA, and later found out he was sleeping with dozens of other women in the same support group, many of whom she had considered friends. вЂњMen wanted my number and wanted to date me. вЂњWhat I did not expect was to be fresh meat when I walked into AA meetings,вЂќ she told me. She soon lost custody of her children and became homeless for a while, still shocked that her life was now about finding her next fix instead of fixing her kids dinner.ДЄfter a very dark year, she decided to make a change, dropped John, and started going to Alcoholics Anonymous. John introduced her to a much cheaper alternative: heroin. Cut off from her husbandвЂ™s credit cards, her stash of pills dwindled. She met John (not his real name), a recovering heroin addict, just weeks after her divorce and began dating him.

During that time, she saw how unhappy her marriage was and divorced her husband. It lessened my depression and gave me more energy.вЂќД«lackwoodвЂ™s prescription ran out before she was ready so she started buying the pills online, using them in increasing amounts over the next year. вЂњI realized immediately how good it made me feel. вЂњI was given Percocet to deal with the pain after childbirth,вЂќ Blackwood recalls.

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